1. My baby is due in three months’ time, but I like planning ahead to make appropriate arrangements for the looking after of my baby. What are the various options available?
In the Singapore context, there are five options available for consideration, each with their own advantages and disadvantages appropriate to the different needs of each family.
Full-time Mother
An ideal choice as what can be more natural a bonding than that of a mother? The mother is in a better capacity to provide love and to nurture her child as she understands the needs and temperament better than anyone else. There is much the mother can do to stimulate the child in the area of growth and development. She is fully in control of the situation in terms of the amount and quality of inputs to her growing child, especially in the area of intellectual development and character building, as well as discipline. Children with full-time mothers generally turn out to be more secured and well-adjusted, appears to be brighter with a faster language acquisition compared to other children with working mothers. (Before they turn four years old, they can speak in complete, grammatically correct sentences which are quite complex for their age.) However, this decision can be financially straining on the family because of the need for double income to meet many financial commitments. If the mother has been working before the arrival of the child, the opportunity cost of being a full-time mother could be in the region of $1500 to $2500.
In-Laws
This is a popular choice as in-laws are trustable and parents can have the peace of mind leaving the children with them. The child will still turn out relatively secured and happy and is in an ideal environment to pick up a second (Mandarin) or even a third language (dialect). However, the doting grandparents may be more reluctant to maintain a firmer code of discipline. The parent will lose out some degree of control if there are differences in the method of upbringing and the imparting of certain values. If the child spends five out of seven days at the in-laws’ place, it is not surprising if the child’s favourite persons are the grandparents instead of the parent. In most cases, the financial obligations for choosing this alternative is between $500 to $1000 a month to the in-laws for food and allowances.
Live-in Maid
For couples whose in-laws are unable to take care of their children because they are no longer around, still working, or do not like taking care of small children, having a live-in maid is one way of coping. However, as most parents are unwilling to hand over the reigns of discipline to the maids in the absence of the parents, most children under this situation turn out to become spoilt and demanding. The maids are inclined to give in to their demands either to stop them from crying, or to get on with their other housework. Having come from a different culture with different value systems, some of inappropriate values could have been imparted on the way. Most children would also be exposed to negative influences from the TV as it is a convenient and easy way to entertain them. The cost of hiring a live-in maid inclusive of the foreign worker’s levy and the maid’s living expense is about $800 a month.
Baby-sitter
Baby-sitters are usually older full-time housewives with their own children wanting an additional income. They probably are quite experienced in taking care of the physical needs of the child. However, most are not receptive to the “methods in childcare books” to stimulate and develop the child in the various areas of growth and learning. To them, a child is considered good if he is able to sit in the playpen to play by himself. Of course there are horror stories of infants and toddler deaths due to the negligence of the baby-sitters, or that of doping the babies with cold medicines so that they sleep most part of the day, leaving them free to do other chores. Then there are also extreme cases of child and sex abuse. Then again, there are also good and responsible baby-sitters whom the child misses and keeps in touch with even at their teenage years. It really depends on the degree of risk you are willing to take. The cost of having a baby-sitter starts from $400, and will increase if the baby starts weaning off to solids, or if the baby stays through the night and is brought back only on weekends.
Childcare Centre
These are professionally-run centres with a license to operate, which means they must have qualified teachers and trained caregivers, and follow certain guidelines set by the MOE. This is a popular option to most families as they are assured of a system and control that gives results that can be evaluated upon. For most parents, a childcare centre is considered good if they have a small teacher-to-student ratio, a good programme and up-to-date equipment. Most importantly, their child “learns something from it”. The disadvantage of childcare centres is that if your child is too young, say 18 months old, she may be more susceptible to common illness spread through the other children. A lot also depends on whether the child is ready for an institutional routine and mixing around with a group of children. The costs of childcare centres varies from $400 to $800 a month.
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2. I’m looking around for a good childcare centre for my daughter. What are the criteria for choosing one that my child will benefit from?
Here are some criteria you may want to consider:
Programme
Compare notes from other centres. Is the programme very basic or do they have other interesting and stimulating activities?
Teachers
Are the teachers trained (at least Intermediate level)? How do they interact with the children? She must have a positive attitude and is someone who enjoys children, considers them important and treats them with affection and respect on an individual basis. What is the teacher-student ratio? Are the teachers trained in giving First Aid?
General Hygiene/Cleanliness Of The Place
The place must be clean, especially in the kitchen and toilet areas. Feel the mattresses the children sleep in. Have the bedsheets been changed regularly?
Licence Of Operation
How many years has the centre been operating? What is the licence renewal period of the centre? Before the renewal period is due, MOE will send officers to grade the centres with certain guidelines. It is alright if the renewal period is between one to two years. However, be wary of those with only half year’s renewal.
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3. My son has difficulties at his half-day childcare centre. I have been accompanying him there for the past three months, but he still refuses to let me go out of sight. He does not allow the teachers to touch him, and neither does he join the other children in games and singing. Should I switch him to another childcare centre?
When a child refuses to accept change, the best thing is to simply leave him with no choice. Though you may find it difficult, try leaving him even when he is crying, or even getting hysterical. He will learn to adapt to the situation once you leave. The longer you stay, the longer he will take to get used to being on his own.
Leaving a child to cry at school will not harm him physically in anyway, but do call his teachers to check whether he has stopped. Some children stop immediately even though they cry everyday for weeks while mummy is still there. Others cry for 15 minutes to an hour after mummy is gone. If yours does for an hour or more for several weeks, then maybe you should take him out of the childcare centre. However, use this only as a last resort. It’s better to give him more time to adapt because the more you give in to his demands, the more he will realise that he is in control. Some parents switch their children from one childcare centre to another, thinking that their child will be happier somewhere else, only to find that when they finally leave their child, he adapts just fine!
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4. My baby is due next month. What do I need to start out my life as a mother?
It’s surprising how many things a tiny six or seven pounder needs.
To start:
• A sturdy crib which meets child-safety regulations. Also a mattress, a mattress protector, waterproof pads, a few fitted sheets, pillows, pillow cases, bumper guards, and a couple of blankets or light sheets.
• A bassinet or an infant seat is handy as you can move baby about in it with you.
• A chest of drawers -- Its better not to share your cupboard with baby. Soon your clothes will be ousted by baby’s growing wardrobe. Some of these chests come with a convenient changing table on top. You can also buy a separate changing table or use an ordinary one by covering it with padded plastic mat.
• A bucket for soaking nappies.
• Bathtub – don’t buy one that is too small or you’ll have to upgrade in a few months.
• Toy chest -- Before you know it, they’ll be all over the house.
• Stroller or Carriage --- A very lightweight umbrella stroller is easy to get about with but it won’t recline to sleeping position. On the other hand, a carriage with various adjustable positions will be heavy.
• Car seat
• Diaper bag -- You can’t leave home without it.
• Baby carrier -- Some new mothers find it a tough job to get about with baby and a heavy carriage. Specially if you are planning to use public transport, a baby carrier can be quite handy. Baby snuggles up to you and is less likely to be upset. But once baby is a little older, he’ll be too heavy to carry and it can also get quite hot for him inside.
A few months later:
• Playpen
• High chair
• Walker
• Safety gate
Feeding equipment:
• If you are bottlefeeding -- a dozen bottles and nipples.
Bottle sterilise or a large pan for boiling the bottles, tongs to extract bottles from the water, bottle brushes and tin opener.
• A dozen bibs
Bathing equipment:
Baby soap, shampoo, baby oil (optional), diaper wipes, sterile cotton balls, nappy pins (a dozen at least), towels with hoods, face cloths, nail clippers, comb.
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